The ‘Defining Moments’ Theory

After much thought and listening to other people talk, I’ve developed a theory about how people are looked at individually. We are all defined by one ‘moment’, either something we’ve done, are doing or something that’s happened between you and that person. Simply put, it’s a remembering tool for how we define individuals in comparison to others. For example guys look at girls with one moment in mind, its usually they’ve slept with the girl, dated them, been hurt or it could even be something like “she was that drunk chick from a party I went to“. It’s simple, we all go back to that one moment when we’re asked about that person on the spot, and it’s the first thing we connect to when we think of them. When you have really close people around you, the lines are more relaxed, so it usually depends on the individuals involved and the most relatable situation to another person who does not know them as well as you do, to which you can use various ‘moments’ to different people. (Family is mostly excluded as they are defined by titles – Sister, Dad etc).

In saying we all have one moment that we link to one another, the strength of these things can be extended with actions down the road. Hypothetically if you remember someone from say an injury, when they do it again you’re not surprised and the moment grows, eg. “The dude that broke his arm playing soccer” to “The dude that is always injured”. Sometimes due to severity of moments, they can be linked to new moments that could replace the first one, for example “You remember that Chris guy who broke his arm playing soccer? Well he slept with Blah Blah on the weekend”. Basically the part of my theory is if someone has done something once, then we’re less surprised the second time. Also if they do something more recent and greater than the moment you relate to them with, it can overtake the initial moment that we thought of them by, but it’s rare.

Most of the time, it’s very hard to change that moment you have inside someones head. Death, Relationships, Fame or Wealth can change it quickly, but it’s usually much further down the road and can become irrelevant if you no longer know this person. Usually you become stuck with what you have, so unless you’re content with how you believe most people come to remember you, you really just have to hope that what people relate to you with isn’t a monumental fuck up on your behalf.

Yves Klein – “Leap Into the Void”.