Reality < Dreams

What can I say? I’m back to reality. I’ve seen many countries, a million faces, and spent almost all of my money -but still, I feel rich. I do not regard money as the most valuable currency anymore, and although it is a core fundamental for exploring this beautifully strange planet, it does not make me feel rich. It does not make me more valuable. It does not make me a better person.
My priceless currency is kindness. Small or large quantities, it doesn’t matter, it’s acts towards me have meant more than any dollars or cents I’ve received. No, I am not a hippie. I’m not a dreamy peaceful stoner. I’m not even always kind myself. But I realise that it’s rare. So rare, that it’s value exceeds money.

I found the best in humans, which I didn’t believe existed except for one really strong exception. I found it in the laundromat when I didn’t have any detergent, I found it in the grocery store when the amount I had in my pocket was ‘enough’, and I found it from strangers on the train, who helped me get to the bed I was sleeping in that night when I couldn’t read the signs. It didn’t matter if it lasted 5 seconds, it helped me, and cost no money, yet I left feeling complete assurance that some people wanted to help me, simply because.. they could. What a beautiful sentiment, that something almost everyone is capable of doing for free, can be done? Surely it can’t be that easy? It is. The coldness of this world is strong sometimes, and overwhelming.

At the end of the day, we are all equal, and can help someone through their day with only a little effort. The person sleeping on the street isn’t any less of a human than you are. I’ve always felt it a burden to care so much, but it separates me from the people who can walk away without helping, which took select people and trusting myself to realise. That is enough for me to fall sleep each night.

So what else?

I’ve missed a lot of people. Some very, very much. Some I’ve lost contact with more, which is upsetting, considering it’s my own fault. I guess sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes I feel lonely, that I do not talk to them. I was raised on the notion, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing. And sometimes things are better left unsaid, because what you say might not be bad, but it might get you into trouble. And that is something better to leave unsaid. You just have to hope, that you don’t hurt people who don’t deserve it, wherever they are.

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion”

ALBERT CAMUS

“I don’t want learning, or dignity, or respectability. I want this music, and this dawn, and the warmth of your cheek against mine.”

RUMI

“Turn your fears into creative energy”. – Afflatus

Somewhere in Portland, Oregon, where only I know.

C.f