Can’t Sleep?

1:23am, doesn’t seem so bad I guess. It’s when I began writing this post. But I have questions to why my mind and body won’t turn off at this time. I know I’m not alone, there’s comfort in that. But how much comfort is there, really, in knowing there are others floating deep into the morning, when you don’t want to interact with them anyway? None.

I’m finding it hard to sleep, and have for awhile. It feels like the voice inside my head is yelling at me, creeping confidence up to talk and invade from within; running quickly and pulling the books from the corner of my mind into the middle of the room- so when I try to control it with quiet, I’m too awoken with the loud mess.

The clock seems faster than usual. The sound of silence echoes and eventually you find thoughts to pass the time. I feel like reading, or writing – but I don’t see the point? How much of it will be relevant? Will I retain these words, or just pour out gibberish that only ever seems relevant at times when I have too much time to invest? I feel like I have a canvas with so many things to say, yet I can’t spare the time. I should be sleeping. I’m craving the lucid canvases to form behind my eyes and I feel heavy doing so, just everywhere except the eyes. What can you do? Count sheep? I’ve counted them, and barely get far before I wonder where they’re going.

So as my motor hums, with the keys in, safely placed in ‘park’ and the lights off; the only thing driving is madness. Drowning in the silence, I hold my breath and lay my head back and submerge underneath the blanket of night. It feels like a bath, where the heartbeat inside becomes loud once you’re under. Funny right? When you run into the quiet, everything gets louder.

I wish someone would tell me where the sheep are going, and how to get there.

C.f