Grateful for Great-Fuel

[The first time I release my thoughts on here and the first time anyone reads them, merges for an instant and we think and read the same words in the same order, drinking in a thought that once was only inside my head. You’re reading my movie. You’re singing my song. Regardless if you agree, hate, love, or disagree with it. Just like paintings that hang in a gallery – you see and feel something from it, even nothing. I’ve seen Pollocks and Basquiats and Warhols, but so did the all 3 of those people when they created them. I share that visual with the creators. As if at one moment, my thoughts enter your mind and you decide how it makes YOU feel. But knowing completely that even if it’s something you forget tomorrow, at one damn moment you read something I wrote, exactly the same way I wanted you too.]

I spend hours and hours reading, watching, seeking inspiration. What is it doing? It alters how I feel, how I act, what I like. Everything creative I do can be influenced by fucking anything. The people around me, whether it’s real people who bloom late or who choose the safety net of complacency – they influence me. The people who never give up on being a rockstar and the people who work hours in companies where they get no personal gain – influence me. It makes me want to do anything. How can you idle through when you could literally type words into your damn phone and FIND something you like. Relaxing and energising information you might not already know, or maybe that some people out there are making things you like- or things exist that make you feel good or cool or you want them, or to go see something/visit a place- or it even leaves you annoyed.

I’m so poor at the moment – with money. Not properly poor, but personally I have 7 cents in my wallet on a piece of plastic that bares my name. I have used that as an excuse before, not too long ago, and someone inspired me that has altered me forever. Someone who saw a cloud above my head reminded me that creating is anything, which can be free. We talked about art and it doused me in gasoline to burn. It doesn’t have to bring you success or money, or anything! As long as you express or chase something that pops into your head – even just for yourself – why not? We spend hours walking through rooms and not seeing any details. At work today I had small talk with at least 20 people I don’t remember, watched a bunch of strangers and didn’t soak in any major details for a majority of my day. I bet you do it too. When you’re driving maybe? Look at a street you drive down all the time and pick out a random house. I bet if someone showed you a photo of that house, you’d never know you drove past it pretty much everyday. I am awake for 17+ hours everyday but I tell you what I did in 5 sentences in most situations. That non attention and unawake mentality will dull everything for you. So open your phone and type in Kerouac. Yves Klein. River Phoenix- Anything. Stimulate what you like in an instant and fill the void with moments of things that wake up your mind. Information you might tell someone important later that day. Maybe it stays with you for a couple days. Add another sentence to your day when you tell someone, or do it for yourself.

It’s such a cop out that we reduce days and hours into idling, dry, pastel white walls of blank space. If you seek inspiration you will find it. Even if it’s for one second, explode your mind with some thought, idea, sound or visual and if it motivates you, you’ll have energy. Think of it like coffee for your eyes, not your mouth. Red Bull of the mind.

Apparently we are only at peak function everyday for 4 and a half hours. Studies have proven this, that we do 3 x 90 minute cycles of peak performance before we mentally fatigue and lose intense interest. So for me that leaves roughly 12 and a half hours. My job doesn’t stimulate me. My freelance creative stuff even sometimes has become less interesting. But I find new music. I draw. I write.

I create after I find things that make me feel a certain way.

My Dad once asked me why I was working hours and hours on a canvas of an exploding plane.

“Because I can.”

Because my brain created this image of how I felt and I wanted to see this evolve and change into a physical thing that I wouldn’t forget tomorrow. I did it with a lame printer and paper, and a ton of altering in my own style. It didn’t cost me anything except time, but now that time seems more significant because it has accomplished something new. It hangs on my wall and explodes in front of me every single day. In time where I usually idled, I still relaxed and created a physical idea.

I’m glad I could share this with you, even if you fucking hate it. Give it a go.

Who would’ve known you can get fuel for free.

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