No (e)Quit(y)

The thought entered, and as I felt the words in order, I knew the answer. Is it worth it?

Maybe the lessons alone are enough to justify it all. I’ve made some mistakes & learnt naively that if you expect grandeur, they’re usually delusions (to start). If it was easy everybody would do it, huh.  

My ego is gone, man. Business wise, it’s vanished. Not confidence, but ego. The thing that makes you believe your talent alone can win any fight. It doesn’t.

Grinding to gatekeepers, who quarantine my brand from opportunity without the utmost semblance of returned respect. No facts, no logic, just opinions. In this twisted system you will create something and have to beg for the chance merely to show it. Some people won’t even give you 2 minutes when it took you forty five just to get there. It’s pretty wild, and often infuriating- but it’s something you need to learn. No words will justify it to those with ego, because most people don’t know until it happens. Being younger I would’ve thought “nah, not me. I’d get that sale”. Lesson, meet learner. Despite all this, I still know I’ll get them, but the process to do so will consume me long after the rejection has actually happened. It will take resilience, when once it would’ve been burned like a bridge my ego was trapped on. Strategy, options, planning – it’ll get you the revenge win, but you won’t get to rub it in, you’ll just wear the work it took like pasta sauce on a white tee – not pretty, but everybody knows you’ve eaten.

Experience is truly something you can’t buy, like respect. They’re hand in hand. Just like persistence & consistence – they equal the other, with time. Experience becomes equity, if it’s learned. Perspective is just how you know, it reveals value, simply because it happened and you did it. You’ll realise the people who tried to take advantage of you when you knew less, but only after. Maybe you didn’t double check something the first time, out of trust. Won’t do that again, will you dummy? Your dream might just be someone else’s invoice. On the flip side it’ll show those who gave great advice from the beginning, when it’s proven through time to be true. They cared. You’ll learn by blindly beginning. Novice experience will be preyed upon by those who aren’t as secure, watch for the wolves in sheep’s clothing.

I had dinner with a friend recently who asked me if it was ‘killing me‘. More so, my soul. 3 and a half years in. Wasn’t expecting the question, but my answer was no. I just didn’t expect it to be so difficult.

Would you still of done it had you known at the beginning it would be this hard?

I can see that fool now- with a smug confidence that still lives somewhere inside. That motherfucker still thinks he could make the NBA. I’m built like that, somewhat irrational. The question is rather, what would you do differently? The true value is in using those answers.

On the eve of the biggest risk for my business, can I do this? If I tell you, it’s yes. It’ll be showing you that’s more difficult. Let’s see how delusional I really am, as the only way to really know, is to know. It takes time to build buildings. Equity isn’t attained by quitting. He swings big, he misses big. Get off the track when the train’s comin’.

“Empty your cup so that it may be filled; become devoid to gain totality.”

– Bruce Lee

C.f