Account-ability

So much of this journey is predicated by money.

The number beside the name, or that on your paycheck. How much you can consume in the world.

Cliche as the saying – ‘it’s just the way it is‘.

What is the cost of opportunity? Is it more expensive than money? It’s cheap if you have spare hours, but costly for the time-poor. Freedom in time comes from money.

The stresses of validation hide behind titles on LinkedIn. The business has more equity than the individual, so we clamour onboard. The business values, above those building it. The ship sailed, you’re either onboard or watching it from the shore.

What’s more important, the flower or the soil that grew it?

Drinking water or getting wet? Medium rare or burnt out?

The worth you bring, in exchange for a token with systemic value. A job that gives you said tokens, in exchange for your mind, time & ideas. Accruing annual escapes in pockets.

The broke man doesn’t drive the BMW, or does he? Does the debt count, or do we buy the surface? What about the asset worth nothing until it’s sold? Like stocks – they’re worthless unless you sell right? So they’re worth nothing unless you exchange it to someone else.

The linear between money & value is a broken concept – it’s entirely synthetic to appear like worth. It can be faked & we often buy it.

So where perceptions = reality, is money = value? Is freedom from life’s struggles going to cost you 5 days & 40 hours a week?

“Work a job you love & you’ll never work a day in your life” – every motivational sentiment when you leave high school.

What do they say to the 33 year old? Get a job, probably.

The priceless sentimental heirlooms have low dollar value. So the same system disrespects the value of valuables on an individual level? The societal cost is what lies on the insurance form, which costs money to write. Am I losing my mind or finding worth?

We learn individual behaviours to work for our dream jobs. Maths, science, art, physical education. Then we enter a system where someone else decides what days you can take off, & when you’re worthy of a promotion (here’s a hint, it’s usually when someone leaves). The constant influx of retirees, graduates & those in-between.

I’m trying to redefine success, or atleast what my mind often defaults it as. Delayed gratification, with unmitigated risk of ever reaching it. A betting universe, where the dice game is my future & the odds get further out each game. A resume without titles, just experience. The future me holds no value unless the purpose paid off. Jack-of-all-trades, master of fate. It’s confronting to think about, something I try often to run away from.

The wisdom you gain on the journey, doesn’t eventuate unless the product does.

So much is left in the gamble, as the lessons of a fail often counteract the wisdom of the journey. The lessons aren’t taught unless the teacher succeeded. Hard to sell thoughts without the resume, no? Not worth a cent unless it’s sold. Do we buy failures? The isolation of a journey where you’re the stock, not the buyer.

The corporate ladder holds more money on each step, but what’s at the top? The mortgage of all your time, in exchange for a mortgage on a home? Do we buy books of the 9-5 story? Is there more value in titles over substance? The paycheck over purpose? The wisdom or the wage? I honestly don’t know – but it’s valuable to think about. I despise the idea of a boring existence, but the safety is appealing. My canoe is leaky at best.

“Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it” – Gandhi.

You don’t appreciate time until you understand it can be taken away. $100 million for your health? Not a chance. How about the cost to not do what you really want to try? 100k with 2 weeks paid leave get the job done? The game is a trap that gets harder to leave & isolates those who aren’t aligned.

I’ve never been here before, especially as an adult. My funds are low. I got close last year, around the same time. I know I’m privileged & I know I’m better off than so many less fortunate. It’s a motivating factor – as when it comes to resources to help others – I’m scarce outside of time (which I selfishly need right now).

We are products of our environment, which is how my reflection comes through. So many want ‘the best’ for you, where ‘the best’ = safety with slight freedoms. It’s appealing, especially with my quiet account, with low returns compared to the community I keep. It’s been hard to live 3 years off the ship – but I appreciate value differently now. It’s lonely in the leaky canoe, but it goes where I go.

My biggest fear is time, both in wasted, procrastinated or avoided. The accounts are low, yet the accountability is high. Even if the ability of accounts aren’t. ‘DIY or die’ – a mantra.

Look forward & not sideways – another mantra. Beware, it’s difficult, especially to avoid challenges presented by a superficial system.

It’s not worth losing your head over. Self awareness is here, the gratification is late.

The most common deathbed regrets are a combination of ‘not living as your true self‘ & ‘not spending enough time with your loved ones‘. If money buys freedom, why not freedom from these regrets? I don’t want to end up here & I hope you don’t either.

So what remains to address? The most important reality is the perception, albeit internally, we have of ourselves. Regardless of what you present publicly – (as a broke man who once drove a BMW). You might be the only one that knows, but you’re aware of the facade. The attitude mirrors the body possessing it. Insecurities lie when the presentation hides truth. When you’re insecure, you assume everyone is a liar. The compliments feel hollow, as you don’t believe them to be truth. Find a space that feels like home & own it.

I hope you’re on the path you yearned when time was rich & I hope you find peace in the journey, even in pockets. I’m figuring it out as I go.

Your purpose has no value unless you lose it. Then it’s worth everything. It’s value lies in the sentiments your future self will enjoy, so look after it & thank yourself later. The only way out is through. Be who you say you are, not what you say you are.

C.f