The ‘Defining Moments’ Theory
After much thought and listening to other people talk, I’ve developed a theory about how people are looked at individually. We are all defined by one ‘moment’, either something we’ve done, are doing or something that’s happened between you and that person. Simply put, it’s a remembering tool for how we define individuals in comparison to others. For example guys look at girls with one moment in mind, its usually they’ve slept with the girl, dated them, been hurt or it could even be something like “she was that drunk chick from a party I went to“. It’s simple, we all go back to that one moment when we’re asked about that person on the spot, and it’s the first thing we connect to when we think of them. When you have really close people around you, the lines are more relaxed, so it usually depends on the individuals involved and the most relatable situation to another person who does not know them as well as you do, to which you can use various ‘moments’ to different people. (Family is mostly excluded as they are defined by titles – Sister, Dad etc).
In saying we all have one moment that we link to one another, the strength of these things can be extended with actions down the road. Hypothetically if you remember someone from say an injury, when they do it again you’re not surprised and the moment grows, eg. “The dude that broke his arm playing soccer” to “The dude that is always injured”. Sometimes due to severity of moments, they can be linked to new moments that could replace the first one, for example “You remember that Chris guy who broke his arm playing soccer? Well he slept with Blah Blah on the weekend”. Basically the part of my theory is if someone has done something once, then we’re less surprised the second time. Also if they do something more recent and greater than the moment you relate to them with, it can overtake the initial moment that we thought of them by, but it’s rare.
Most of the time, it’s very hard to change that moment you have inside someones head. Death, Relationships, Fame or Wealth can change it quickly, but it’s usually much further down the road and can become irrelevant if you no longer know this person. Usually you become stuck with what you have, so unless you’re content with how you believe most people come to remember you, you really just have to hope that what people relate to you with isn’t a monumental fuck up on your behalf.
Yves Klein – “Leap Into the Void”.
C.f – The Drunk, the guy who broke his leg, the guy you drunkenly kissed, the guy that writes his thoughts on this website.
What Happens Next?
So it’s finally here; the year that will apparently end the world, have an Olympics and be the white light for people who struggled through 2011, to start again. I think it’s really healthy for people to set these dates for a fresh start, because it’s so much easier with an event, especially a new year, rather then seeking the extra motivation to start at once. The only trouble is these things never seem to take off passed January for most, and the usual habits and routine return in the new year. Anyway, I’ve been thinking for weeks about what my resolution would be, and despite a few minor things, I don’t really have a substantial one. All I’ve been able to think about lately is doing all the creative endeavours I’ve wanted to do for months. This year all I want to do is spill everything buzzing around my head and create ideas like I’m the god of my own creations, to see things start and take off in various ways and come alive how I envision them to be. The beautiful thing about this is there is no deadline, or dates for a fresh idea, it can happen anywhere and anytime and all I’m doing is using the date on my paper to do it, rather then losing it inside my own thoughts like I did in 2011. 2012 will be the year of the notepad.
David Lynch can touch anything and make something great, and this is no exception. Also credit to the people who made this video, they did a really, really good piece.
C.f
Rut
It seems the last few weeks have been very similar, with the exception of a wedding and the weather slowly warming. I often see some of my friends (especially some of the older ones) who work all week and then their weekends are spent inside, resting before they go back to work. It’s also very similar with couples, as they tend to hibernate and stay away from doing things that one might not enjoy. I’m doing pretty much the complete opposite of this, and I still feel like I’m in a very repetitive routine of sorts. I need new faces, places and a little change to get out of this mindset. I guess some people just like the feeling of knowing when they need to do things. I do not, and need to change a few things to make sure this ‘rut’ ends.
“Habit is necessary; it is the habit of having habits, of turning a trail into a rut, that must be incessantly fought against if one is to remain alive.”
– Edith Warton
C.f
Reflections
Mirror mirror, on the wall,
Can you tell me who this man is?
It’s like the brush and the paint
is without the blank canvas,
It seems kind of pointless,
to create this fake identity,
as everything he does,
isn’t the same as me?
But he does this because,
it protects the real man,
as he isn’t as strong,
and yet to understand,
Which is okay in 2011,
because the art isn’t finished,
so it’s time to start painting,
and creating this image
It’s not fair to complain,
or better to change,
the man in the mirror
is just a little strange
And in time he’ll learn
to hide the fake man,
because by then the real one,
will be the only one he can.
C.f
Mans Best Friend.
1997-2011. The last animal link to my childhood passed away today, age 14. I’m struggling to think of a household where he’s not around, and right now I don’t want to. It’s crazy how big an impact pets can become in your life, as the mutual love for each other grows every year like an unbreakable bond. I knew it was coming for a while, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I can only cherish the memories, and thank him for being there, everyday, for the last 14 years, especially the last 3 months where he was more than the best company on my lonely days. Today hurts, farewell old friend.
14th of September, 2011
C.f
The Simple Man
So tonight at dinner with the family, we were talking to the owner of this Italian restaurant when a man, maybe in his late 20’s came over and said “Hello” and asked if it was anyones birthday, probably due to the laughter and commotion. My dad answered him with a “No?” and he simply said “Oh okay, enjoy your dinner, I’ll let you get back to it” with a big smile on his face as he walked back to his table. I watched him whilst the rest moved on to a different topic of conversation, stunned by his actions, whilst he sat there eating a bowl of soup by himself at a small table. If someone as nice as him was eating alone, it felt like it wasn’t fair. He came over to wish someone a happy birthday, for no reason, and it was obvious he just wanted some company or simply a conversation to brighten someones day. I asked if I could offer him to join us to the rest of the table, but the consensus from everyone was no. Anyways a few jokes were made and it was all light hearted about this man’s actions as the evening progressed, and I was fixated. He eventually left, saying goodbye to us and the people sitting on the table next to ours, and walked out the door. It was clear he was ‘simpler’ than others in more ways than one, but if everyone was as genuine and nice as he was we’d be living in a much nicer world. I can’t help but always think about these people, and what they do with themselves throughout the days. My mum always tells me that I “can’t save the world“, but in this situation no worlds needed to be saved, it was just someone looking to…talk to someone else? I’m probably reading much to far into this, but it’s what I do constantly, and these things stick with me for days and even months. Anyway, next time I’ll just sit with him, because nobody should be eating by themselves in a crowded room. The little things can go a long way, so don’t be afraid to just talk, or even listen to someone else. You should never hesitate to brighten someones day.
Unknown Photographer.
C.f
Split Seconds
That’s all it takes for everything to change in the most positive or negative ways. Theres plenty of things that can change, a kiss, a glance, one more drink or even the simplest thing like a butterfly flapping it’s wings (the butterfly effect). The 9th of June did such for me, my heart plummeted, my ears listened and my eyes witnessed vulnerability. It’s fairly true that little things can change so much, and we sometimes don’t even realise the control we actually own. If you ever think “If I’d just done this” or “This could’ve happened”, it just shows how much of things is left up to chance. See I don’t know how I feel, I like to have control but I enjoy not knowing what’s next in some sort of surprise feeling. All in all we just all need to take a step back, a deep breath, and enjoy certain moments in the fullest of happiness, because in reality everything takes just mere seconds to change.
I also find the photo below to be very powerful. Vincent Schiavelli was so talented even though he didn’t have the textbook ticket and looks to the fame he deserved. 1948 -2005.
I Couldn’t Help But Notice Your Pain
Isn’t it funny how many people seek the public affection of others, with simple things like Facebook check ins to hospitals or a status update about being lonely? In my crazy social networking injury-phase it’s made me realise the trends more obviously and reconsider where I dose my sympathy to others. I guess it’s just hard to give sympathy to people who don’t ask for it even if deep down they’re hurting more than you know. I like to think I can tell the difference but sometimes judgement is clouded by things, like the people who want the attention and make you second guess others. As I’ve said before everyone has problems and the way you deal with them show who you are in the rawest element of your being, and how tough your character is. It’s just simple. When you’re hurting your goal shouldn’t be to get sympathy and empathy from others, it should be the strength to prevail and overcome these obstacles and come out stronger than before you entered these dark times. I guess growing up around people in pain has made me cynical, but it’s just what I think. The burden should never be shared amongst others, unless you need the help which is more a sign of strength than weakness. it’s just a shame that most people who seek sympathy do it for the wrong reasons, and detract your thoughts from the people who really need it. Take a moment to realise how your words and actions effect others, because sometimes jokes and simple things can effect others more than you’ll ever know.
Can’t we all just get along? No, but you can try, or you can think first at the very least.
Sometimes you just have to seek the smiles in the darkness.
“There’s so much pain.”
The Blur
Sometimes it just takes a little longer to find the positives in things you didn’t see before.
C.f
No one can stop us anymore.
How you choose to look at things about yourself defines the extent of character you own. You can look at things in the most simple way, and always be content with things and forget the things that didn’t go your way. Or you can challenge yourself to think in different ways so that you can expose what you’re truly all about. If I was to ask myself a question, it would be something that would expose me for what I truly am, and force me to confront my own faults. Nothing lacklustre. Something that would make me think for more than 5 seconds. “Who do you want to be?” or “What are you insecure about?”. Labelling things in simple terms just dilutes what you’re capable of thinking, and preventing yourself from being vulnerable, even if it’s just for a second.
Chasing
I always see people and assume there’s someone out there that truly loves them, I mean they’re not my piece of cake or there not what would suit me, but it is true, besides the odd exception of people being alone there entire life. Most people have someone that’s happy to see them when they walk through the door. I like to think that most people would have someone like that, even if it’s a crazy cat lady with a dozen cats, being needed and loved is more than satisfying for your average person. Sometimes it doesn’t last, but even if it’s only for awhile, it makes me feel a little better that most people would experience the feeling. We all just chase feelings, and pursue the people that make us have good ones, no matter what it may be. Everything else is a perk.
Minimal
It’s crazy going from being so busy to having almost nothing to do, and by that of a doctors order, so I’ve had more than enough moments to ponder and reflect on things. It went from consistently drinking and nightlife to a much quieter scene, nights in with friends and looking at things a whole lot differently. Who knows, maybe I needed to readjust things. Either way I’ve noted a few things I’ve bin pondering upon..
1) People keep themselves busy to push away and hide things from themselves, either through excuses or just avoiding it, even simple things that can make you actually happy.
2) When you’re forced to be alone with your thoughts, the same people cross your mind over and over again, and everything reminds you of them. If someone hurt you, you can’t get over them until you like someone else, it sucks, but it’s simple.
3) Being missed makes you feel good, and appreciated.
4) Start doing the things you want to do, everything else isn’t important.
5) “It’s a troublesome world.
All the people who’re in it
are troubled with troubles
almost every minute.
You ought to be thankful,
a whole heaping lot,
for the places and people
you’re lucky you’re not.”
– Dr Seuss.
Everybody out there has problems.
'C.f of Darkness'
C.f
The 3 Day Ankle Journey
The crazy week I’ve had seemed like it needed a recap, so here I go. Wednesday 8/6/2011, I landed on another players ankle playing mens basketball, rolled and heard 3 cracks, 38 seconds left to go in the game. Immense pain and the feeling of vulnerability, as nobody in that moment knows what you’re actually dealing with. Arrived at the hospital around 11pm, after driving up with dad. We don’t really talk a whole lot, but we had a good chat once I was admitted, and he calmed me down, with a very reassuring tone. I had to spend the first night in the Emergency ward, where everyone in a serious state is placed, as there was no beds for me to stay. Let me tell you this, you never appreciate your own bed more, ever, than when you are truly trapped in a jungle of screams and pain, with a curtain wall. Surgery was on the thursday, (a plate and 9 screws) and afterwards I was moved into a room with 3 older patients, with whom one immediately made an impact. His name was Robin Cornell, he was old, covered in bruises with a bloodied eye, but you wouldn’t know it from his calming voice. His presence in my room and general happiness opened my eyes to the world of pain people go through, and it answers the question why I’m taking this so well. Theres always somebody worse off than you, and how you deal with it is the rawest shape of character you can show. Anyways, I’m in bed, 2nd night at home, and thought I’d spill on the last few days of this adventure I had so I could mainly remember myself in a few weeks. Here’s to the road of recovery, and getting back. As Robin said, “They probably won’t let you play with crutches.” C.f
Ghost of Love
So usually I can’t stand photos of couples kissing, or showing enormous amounts of affection, as social networks have just washed them up and they’ve lost all meaning and credibility. The only ones I do however enjoy, are old intimate photos, where I don’t know the parties involved. I’ve stumbled across a few that just ooze affection, enjoy this, it’s rare. C.f
Henri Cartier-Bresson
My Favourite – On a train in Romania, 1975
And finally one from Alfred Eisenstaedt
Isn’t it funny..
It truly amazes me how much outside opinion influences creative freedom. The world we live in can be so critical, and it can scare potential ideas back into conforming to what society dictates is ‘good’. It’s such a loose term. I wonder how many amazing things weren’t finished or released due to the fear of “they wouldn’t like this” or “I don’t think they will understand”. Everything is becoming so similar nowadays.
C.f
Eye See
You can judge everything about someone in any situation, through their eyes. You can see lust, you can see confidence, and you can see pain, which directly relates to how people feel about themselves, how people feel about you and others, and how they react to moments and memories. ‘Everything’.
Pondering
The further we distance ourselves from reality, the more we protect ourselves from getting hurt. It’s easy to fall back into rhythms after we try to get out of them, and it’s usually inevitably going to happen. Just enjoy these moments before the reality of life wakes you up and shakes the harsh truth back into you, and takes it away, even if you think it’s not supposed to be like this. You can become that image you pictured for yourself, and you can be with whoever chooses to be with you, but sooner or later things catch up to you, and you find yourself where you were, and will always be, inside the cage of your own mind. I don’t care, or I choose not to, but one day I will, and I’ll change things for good. No routines, no mess, the final draft that remains the polished product. One day the image I believe won’t be a ‘moment’, it will be the routine.
C.f
Maybe
Ever since i was a little kid, I’ve seen random people in the street or the car next to me, and imagined what there life was like. People I’ve never seen before, and I judge there entire life on these tiny windows I see them in, and create this elaborate mental story of what I depict there life is like, rich/poor/happy/sad, whatever it may be. I wonder if people do that to me, and I wonder what they see.
Stop thinking and just dream.
We can always expect things to just happen for us, but they never do. We all need to realise that things will happen if we make them happen, if you’re not happy- change it, and if you want someone, go for them. You know you want something if you try telling yourself you don’t want it.
Sad World
I hate pathetic immature people who bully others without showing any remorse. Not even thinking the effect you’ll have on someone for the price of a laugh. I recently saw a picture of an overweight girl on facebook at a club, smiling with a friend for a photo. The photo had tags of other people on her image, as if it was a joke to be that person. Think for a fucking change, before you ruthlessly embarrass and hurt an innocent person who just wants to enjoy the same moments and events like you do. People can be so cruel.
I like this.
TTwo completely different people.
RunIntoFlowers.co 